What’s that loud sucking sound you hear? Get used to it. It’ll get louder the closer we get to July 4.

I swear, that there’s only a 0.0001% chance that this movie won’t suck. How can I say that based off one Trailer? Someone spent way too much time working on the robotic characters in a vacuum. Meaning that they opted to go with their own idea of what Optimus looks like – not a semi? WTF? – rather than any of the hundreds of existing references. Consider what Peter Jackson would have gotten if he made Legolas as a jade green Lucky Charms version of an elf, rather than what the fans expect to see. In the trailer, they show some little girl carrying a My Little Pony? Negative. No cuteness should be in there. Worse, some kid – assume he’s Spike The Uber Geek – gets to hold some chick’s hand? In a Transformers movie? Do I smell a romantic subplot? Sacrilege.

Yep – you heard it here first: it’s going to suck the Big Suck.