CNN: Paris Hilton: I’m going celibate

Don’t get too excited… she’s still fucking. Well, fucking up stuff. She fucks up this here article by trying to say that she’s “very shy,” that she “has had sex with only two men during her lifetime,” and she “relates to the late Princess Diana, who was hounded by photographers.”

Hey honey: shy people don’t flaunt their million-dollar-worth fun bags in front of cameras and then complain that they have photographers following them, ya horse’s ass.