CNN.com Small town, big arches: Why one Australian town is fighting McDonald’s

I thought Monroe, CT had the lock on stupidity against fast food places… back in the day, Burger King wanted to open up shop. They were met with a lawsuit that called out that “the smells from the restaurant would distract kids in the nearby schools”. No joke. It really happened. On the other side of town the CT-homegrown Duchess was required to pay cash to two of the other quasi-fast food places in the form of a payoff, just to open their doors because “Duchess will have so many customers that other business will suffer.” Also not a joke; it really happened. Mind you that when they did allow a real fast food place, not only did they put it across the street from the original BK site but it was McDonald’s; it would seem their smells didn’t cross the street to bother children at school. Or as I like to think of it, it’s not how much you pay out, it’s who you pay off. …and this is the same McDonald’s that made national news in the mid-90’s for selling pot out the drive thru window. Certainly not a joke; it made the AP wire after it circulated the local news.

After all of that in one town, why would I pick on this small Australian town?

“The presence of a 24-hour restaurant will mean (an) increase of littering, vandalism and worse and the leaving of items such as used condoms or broken bottles, meaning children are more likely to be injured or harmed in some way,” she said.

Sadly, it’s not a joke – that’s a direct quote. Because I for one know that people only litter after midnight. And I would never vandalize a place unless it was open for business throughout the night. Further, I always get my sodas from McDonald’s in glass bottles and certainly I would never loiter in a parking look unless it was to use a condom. Logically, I will only use a condom for vandalizing broken glass bottles that were littered in a fast food parking lot to directly injure and harm all of the children that would only be there from midnight to dawn.

What the hell did I just read?