I swear, if I hear one more newsreport on the “decline of movie sales” I’m going to go postal.

First thing: decline? Complete crap. Total. I’m completely convinced that there’s no “decline” in the way that they’re making is sound: I’m betting that they’re a “less than expected” growth or something like that. And while that’s technically a “decline in sales” the media isn’t calling it “less than expected box office sales” – they’re making it sound like movies houses are running day and night with no one in seats and the actors are yowling and wailing in Southern California.

That should explain why I feel such pain over this situation: another reaction to press-related exaggeration. It’s almost like diaper rash… You can make your own analogy now.

So, OK, fine: sales aren’t high as the movie people would like them to be. They have a right to be pissed, sure. If my business wasn’t doing as well as I thought it should be, I’d be cranky too, but would I run to the press about the “tragedy” of it all? Probably not…

Fuck’m. You heard me. Fuck the lot of them.

Music makers are concerned about the decline in their sales numbers. Is there less music? Less talent? Less people to buy CD’s? No… they’ve just gone ahead and jacked up the price to $19.99 a disc as the MSRP for all single discs. I saw it this weekend, while shopping – I almost shit m’self. $19.99! Even though it’s cheaper to make music and cheaper to master/press discs than ever before… what’s the public to do? Continue to eat shit and say “yum! more!”? Not if there’s an alternative, and there is: online music stores.

Play producers are concerned about the decline in their ticket sales. Are there less scripts being written? Less talent? Less people to go down to Broadway to watch a show? No… they’ve just gone ahead and jacked up the price to… Um, I dunno what the current prices are. Last I heard it was something like $89/ticket. Might even be $99. Never mind just getting around the city and eating something anywhere near your theater – it could easily be a $500 night for two people. What’s the public to do? Continue to let the production companies crap on their heads and thank them for the hat? Not if there’s an alternative, and there are at least two: TV and Movies.

Now it’s the film industry’s turn. Sorta. I mean, they’re bitching because the top movie of the week only took in $30 million on a holiday weekend? Thirty. Million. Are you yankin’ me? Ya gotta be. I mean tickets are anywhere from $8 to $12, depending on where you are in America. And yes, that’s cheaper than a play or even a baseball game, but guess what? There’s an alternative now, what with DVD players and widescreen TV’s, and that’s the major difference these days. The film industry didn’t see it coming – sorta like the porn industry pre-VCR, actually – and now they feel blindsided by it, but it’s right out there. Can you say HiDef? THX at home? Booyah! And at $8-$12 a ticket, people would rather rent a movie for three days at $4/rental, no matter how many people are with them while they watch it. Tough decision!

Never mind the fact that you can’t ever see a movie in a theater without at least four cell phones ringing. Or a kid crying. Or the couple that are sitting next to you and want to get to know each other. Or the teenager kicking the back of yer chair. Or the “I don’t get it” people that can’t follow a plot that’s as complicated as a sunbeam. Or a general rustling in the audience because someone in the area farted. You start to think “why did I pay $8 to be here?” by the time the second reel kicks in.

The film industry has to be made to see that they’ve out priced themselves. They’ve finally jumped the shark, after flirting with it for three decades. For the first time they need to address their own expectations about ticket sales. They can’t just throw in more special effects – what could they possibly do to “wow” us with effects these days? The bar is too high… unless you show a 3-D movie that has a hand job as part of the experience – that’s about all that’s left, given the level of CGI in movies these days. The actors/actresses have the same draw in a theater that they have on my 50″ screen, much less 103″ that the Goat is packing. Sound/Music? My Bose system still makes me jump at home when I’m wandering around the house…

They just need to realize that they can’t bilk us for the same amount of cash that they’ve gotten used to – stop your whining to the press and tighten your own belts… you’ll still make millions for providing entertainment. That’s pretty damned impressive. Sure you might have to cut back to one manicure a day or get rid of a couple of sycophants or something, but I think you’ve used up whatever sympathy we could have for your industry and, well, there’s alternatives now… So watch your step.

Blah… Mondays.