I can’t figure this out (which is a common theme, lately). Not that this needs to be figured out… but it still bothers me, all the same. And I don’t know if this issue is something that’s inherent to a lot of women or if this “syndrome” is specifically caused by an overly inflated ego… in which case, it should be found in men too, but I just haven’t seen any male do this. I have, of course, known a number of women that have had this “syndrome,” so either I’m unlucky with the people I meet or that’s some scientific proof that there’s a hiccup in the female gene pool. The “syndrome” in question? The inability to believe that people will change over time.

Now, before all you womyn-ists jump on me, let me explain this a bit more, because I really think I’m onto something. Over the years I’ve shown interest in a good number of women, to put it mildly [thankfully I’ve slowed down as I’ve gotten older]. Throughout the last 20 years or so, there have been a number of relationships that have come out of these types of “chases”. There’s also a large number of chases that have led to nothing but a passing phase and an even larger number that have included a whole set of “non-relationships” with the “promise” of something more. I found that the latter group’s membership grew the quickest during high school and college, but I didn’t realize it – at the time I thought they were actual relationships. Looking back from a more mature and somewhat wiser life-position, I can call it what it was: a masquerade of friendship that was little more than a long bout of being led-on.

This leading-on bit became obvious after years of having better and fuller relationships… after all, as a kid, what the hell do you know about things that you haven’t experienced yet, right? But hindsight has a way of offering a different point of view through the passage of time, and it can sometimes reveal a little bit of truth. These relationships had all the showmanship of a regular friendship, but they also had a long streak of sexual innuendo and flirting mixed in. And while there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s the subtle back-story that showed them to be a leading-on: I was used as a penis crutch. You see, I was the guy that got to pick up the pieces when a boyfriend fucked up a few times each week. I was the guy that got to hear “I think you’d be a great bf” and then listen to the ever-silent “but just not for me” screaming in the background. I got the ongoing abuse of the bf relationship, while someone else got the “perks”.

Me? Bitter? Actually, no – I’m just a guy telling it like it was. Through all of these situations I would – eventually – get tired of being shafted and I lose interest in the chick… I would simply start to wander off or direct my attentions to another woman girl. I’d suddenly not be around for every boyfriend-sparked argument. I’d start going out with other friends, instead of waiting around all night, for the “maybe I’ll be by” visit. I’d simply just move on… write off the time as somewhat “wasted” after chasing a romantic interest to no good end, and simply forget about it. Forget about the woman? No! Just forget about the want of a romantic relationship with her… I wasn’t pissed at the woman, but after all, there’s only so many times you can get kicked in the dick and say “MMM MORE!”

And this was the test of a friendship, in my mind’s eye. If you continue to be friends, than so be it – no romance, just friendship. It’s not like I ducked phone calls or was mean to the girls: I just wasn’t there as a 24/7 support group. We were supposed to be friends; not a crying towel or backup-man. Of course, this rarely happened… A couple of times, I remained friends with women I had once had a romantic interest in [a number of them I remain friends with through today] but I just don’t think of them romantically anymore, and I’ve always been glad to find that there was a friendship being formed all that time. But this was always the exception. What usually happened was that once I stopped chasing after the woman, and the woman realized that she wasn’t getting “the attention she felt she deserved,” she would cut me off and disappear. And that would be it. Women that fell into this “cut off” category were mostly forgotten from my day to day thoughts. I didn’t think badly of them; I just don’t think about them much.

That was then – jump to now. The “syndrome” that first started this Rant is the “what happened after” that still floors me. I can, off the top of my head, tell you about five eight women that had been chased and then led me on in someway, before disappearing entirely… only to turn up anywhere from four to eight years later. Turning up isn’t a syndrome: that’s proof that God has a sense of humor and that I live in a painfully small state. What amazes me… what makes me thing that these women are egomaniacs… what has made me think that the entire gender (or a strong part of it) has this same hiccup in their psyche… is how they saw me in the here and now.

All eight of them saw me – or tried to see me – as the exact same person that they once knew all years ago. All eight of them thought that they would get the same reaction from me that they got when I once chased them around college desks. They expected me the same fawning, would-be suitor that they had dragged around by his nose, through mountains of shit, just because they might have developed an interested in me then. And I’m not talking about bumping into someone at the mall with a “How have you been?” and then walking away. All eight of these women have tried to pick up the relationship where it had left off. “Remember [my son] AJ and how little he was before I took him back to Nebraska? He’s six now!” “Want to meet for lunch this week so I can tell you about my [bf/husband] and the problems we’ve been having?” “I know I haven’t seen you since high school, but I need some help with my computer and you’re the only one I could think of!”

Is it just me that sees this as ridiculous? I know I’m not the same: I tend to live a few lifetimes every year or so and experiences make us grow and change. Are these presuming women still the same people they were then? Or just hopeful that they have rediscovered a comfortable, often used penis crutch to sign up as a backup guy again? Maybe they just miss me and who I was in their lives, way back when.

It might be as simple as that… but they seem to forget that this person that they want to befriend again is the same guy that got casted aside for someone else: I’m just not the same person that they used to know and they had a hand in making me grow. I’m simply appalled that women like this still think they can command my attention, especially after all the bullshit and time that has passed. It’s simply not a logical expectation. Time changes all things, including people.

Am I just so lucky that I’ve found a huge cache of women with egos this huge? Or is this something that most women can fall prey to and it’s the rare woman that can over come it? I would even chalk it up to youth, but since this has happened a couple of times in recent years, I can’t even say that. The only bright spot in all of it is that I’m more adept at noticing that I’m being dragged over hot coals by my nose, so I don’t put up with it for very long anymore – but I still see it happening again, if I let it.

Maybe I should go play lotto…