Being single in today’s world is not an easy thing to be. In fact, it’s usually a very painful cross to carry, because society tends to treat single mammals like they are some sort of social leper. Everything in our society is geared to make you feel that being alone is wrong. That it’s somehow unethical or decadent or well, just plain wrong. Being single with kids isn’t as bad. At least you’ll have a “family” of your own and the empathy from other parents in the country, but if you use birth control, and are still single, then you may as well not even exist in society at large. At least, that’s what you’re led to believe, if you pay attention to how some people and the greater media tries makes you feel about it. I won’t have any part of that though.

And this might just be backlash from Valentine’s Day, but I don’t think it is. This has been something that’s been stuck in my mind for a while, but it took a little something to get it out. I think it’s more of a woman problem, actually, but I coudld be wrong about that too. You see, I didn’t ask to be single any more than I asked to be “happily married with 2.5 kids” or to be a programmer. I go where the day takes, for the most part. Some people I know listed “get married” on their high school list of goals; who listed “staying single”? Me, I listed “Become a programmer” because it’s what I liked to do, but I wasn’t one of the people that put “get married” there. I’ve always believed that marriage was an eventuality, if you found the right person, and that it shouldn’t be something that you to shoot for. Want your PhD before you turn 30? That’s something to shoot for. You shouldn’t be gunning for a marriage certificate to hang on the wall.

A while ago, when I found someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I made a proposition that included marriage and the possibility of offspring, and was eventually told “nah”, but I’m OK with this too. It wasn’t the right time or the right person or the right situation, so it’s better that it wasn’t rushed into, and I’m even thankful that the plug was eventually pulled on it. God knows it’s [usually] easier to break off an engagement than it is to dissolve a marriage! The truth is that I don’t really have a burning need to have to worry about buying the right brand of tampons at the food story or sport an extra piece of gold on my left ring finger: if I find a woman that can put up with me, and I can put up with her, then I’d definatley consider marriage again, but it’s not anything I strive for.

So what sparked this diatribe? I was sitting in Starbucks – small wonder, that as it’s my “day time office” while I’m out of work, especially since I know that I would have skinned my rabbit if I spent anymore time at home – and a woman walked in. Now I gotta tell ya… a few of my female friends have tried to pin me down on what things I find attractive in a woman, and they get frustrated with me because I can’t do it. My male friends don’t have this conversation with me because they figure “breathing” and “won’t press charges” is enough to find any woman attractive, but the female friends want specifics, and this I can’t do. It can’t be summed up really, because there’s exceptions to every “rule” that I could come up with. I’m partial to brunettes, and have only ever serious dated brunettes, but I also like and have casually dated blondes and redheads; that’s really helpful, no? It is easier to date a woman that is shorter than me, but I’ve got nothing against, and have often liked, tall women. I liked Renee Zellwieger’s body better in Bridges Jones’s Diary than I did in Jerry McGuire, because I thought she looked better with the extra weight that she put on for the role; it might have been the character of Jones that made her more attractive, but I don’t think that was it either. There’s no rhyme or reason to it.

Yet, in walks in this woman today, and I’m completely thunderstruck. She was a brunette, about my height [I think] with light brown eyes. She was wearing a subtly-hoochy, three-quarter’s length coat with that faux fur poof stuff on the end of the sleeves and trim on the bottom hem; this is something that usually makes me recoil and say “Ick,” but not this time, so that’s another “rule” shot to hell. Jeans and black strapped mules; matching black Coach bag. Italian skin tone, shoulder length hair, elegantly long neck, bright smile. Glasses when she reads and picked up the Entertainment section of the New York Times, while waiting for her coffee. Hair kept up with a red ribbon/scrunchie. Drove a white Acura CL. Did I mention that I have an annoying habit of noticing things? I smiled at her and half smiled back and then looked away, to wait for her coffee: that little visual speaks volumes and told me to keep my seat.

And what can you do for a situation like this? Nothing, really. Think about it. As a coder, if I want to learn a new language, I go and I do it. If I want to accomplish something for school, I study harder. Learn a new riff on the bass? Either practice it until my fingers cramp or bleed. Want to learn a new sport? Train for it. Want to pick up a woman like this, when she wanders in for a latte? Um. Well. There’s no class or training for it, now is there? You’ve got what you’ve got and that it. There’s no way to change what she sees and if she’s not interested, there’s nothing to do to change that. Oh, you can try, of course… I’ve chased more women that I will ever dare to try and remember – it’s too long of a list, going back to before high school, but it never really works anyway. In fact,

in some cases, the chase was more exciting than the girl, but that’s another story.

This got me to start thinking and that’s when I thought “why is it wrong to be single?” I mean if you can’t change the situation, how is it anyone’s fault? It’s not like you can train up, practice, or get educated in such matters. There’s no way to change who you like or who likes you; if you could choose who you like, the entire world would be a massive hump fest. But you can’t do it. You can’t choose who you like; it’s a chemical thing and that’s that.

So why all this constant pressure to get marriage or to not “stay” single? Fuck off, the lot of you people that put this pressure on us single folk; we’re doing just fine, thank you very much, so just accept that!

All of this could have also been caused by Starbucks being out of chocolate croissants too, but I doubt it.

[Oh and in the off beat, beyond-all-odds, God-does-have-a-sense-of-humor chance that the woman with the red ribbon happens upon this Web site, you can email here because in spite of all of this typing *smirk* I’d still like to treat ya to a latte.]