So I had to get my Jeep repaired the other day, and they had a TV playing in the waiting room. No cable of course, which means that only a local ABC station comes in on it – Dr. Phil was playing when I dropped off the car and when I came back, one of the daily soap operas was playing. I can’t believe people make fun of me for watching cartoons and SciFi – they are far more realistic than what I saw on ABC’s daytime TV that day.

I found out later that it was All My Children, which has been on for forever and a day. My sister used to watch it during the summers when I was in grade school at least 15 years ago, so I have at least heard of the show. Because we had only one TV with cable at the time, and she was still bigger than I was being six years older, I was treated to both All My Children and General Hospital – at least she would put on MTV between the two shows. Right around this time, Luke and Laura were all over GH and that was the golden period of the show: it was short lived. Shortly after both Luke and Laura left for greener pastures, some evil villains tried to free the town with an ice machine. No joke – it happened. They actually tried to freeze an entire town… oh sure, and this was so much more realistic than Voltron.

Anyway, whenever I hear people go on about soap operas, I bring up this little nugget because this was the most absurd story of the lot of them. Was? Yes, you see, All My Children has raised the bar a little bit. While I was in the service center, I kept hearing about vampires. Yes, vampires are now on All My Children. Complete with the typical soppy, sappy, cheesy, corny close up shots and the shitty music, there are also vampires. After hearing this, I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t a Buffy crossover or something – it wasn’t – before I concluded that ABC has in fact lost its collective minds.

Simply put, to all you housewives that mock Buffy, Star Trek, DragonBall Z, Babylon 5, and the SciFi channel: you aren’t any different than we are – we just hire better actors.