I actually didn’t know what to call this Rant because I really don’t know who I’m even Ranting at. One thing is definitely certain: no more American Fuckin’ Idol. Wasn’t having to live through shows like “Punky Brewster”, “The Golden Girls”, and “Mannix” enough? We already had to suffer through the producers from “The Cosby Show” as they searched for “spunky” and “fresh” new talent to replace Rudy when she got too old. We saw the writers of ER keep Carter as an intern for like five seasons because he made a better intern than doctor – don’t ask me about that either: I stopped watching ER a long, long time ago. Why do TV networks feel obligated to feed us such crap?

I like TV just fine. Still watch “Friends” faithfully – whenever they show new episodes that is – but I’ve got little good to say about some of the new shows out there. I’m certainly not a reality TV fan and that makes up the majority of the new shows being aired lately. I’ve never seen “Survivor” nor “The Mole” nor whatever-the-fuck some of the other ones are. I saw one episode of “Big Brother” and was promptly thrashed for commenting that “um, my life is just as boring as this, only I don’t wear makeup or have studio lights in my house.” Reality is typically boring for all of us, which is why we have TV in the first place. Real reality TV would be watching someone else’s dreary and boring life – how is that entertainment? This is why I’m sure that reality TV is more like “What reality would be like if we left eight people on a desert island?” or “Reality TV, if we guide the storyline in directions that will please the sponsors that bought commercial time.” We don’t have storylines; neither should reality TV, but then guess what? It would be boring! See why it’s all fairly ridiculous? At least we all know that sitcoms or SciFi shows are fictional from the beginning, even if I choose to believe that the Narn and Centari will always be at war.

So why pick on “American Idol”? How is that “reality TV”? It’s not, really, but the same people that brought us this unoriginal show are the same people that brought us the fifty clones of Survivor this past season. TV executives see the off-beat success of one show and clone it into five different shows. Across five or six networks and that’s a lot of cloned shows! I personally think that the TV exec’s need to be hit across the head a few thousand times with a Nerf bat. Why can’t they shoot for some more original ideas? Freakin’ NBC is the Dateline Network now – if it wasn’t for Thursday night, I think “Dateline” would run throughout their weekday prime time schedule. I know people are out there auditioning for new pilots and new shows are written everyday… go out on a limb with something new instead of cloning shows!

And I can’t even blame the networks alone though. You people help them. Yes, you – the American public – help them with this whole debacle. Not all of you, to be sure, but a good deal of you did. Who watched American Idol? I know a whole lot of you did. While 60% of you say you don’t care about the show – according to the CNN poll results I saw the other day – over two million people voted the other night. Ha-HA! Some of you do care!

I just find it galling that they put this show on the air. I mean, it’s not even a new idea. People have argued that point with me – they lose the argument every time. Why? Because we’ve seen American Idol before. The first 75% of a “season” of “American Idol” is “The Gong Show”. Think about it. Fine, Chuck Berry with his afro or bow tie and brass gong aren’t there, but the show is the same. You’re cheeering for the people that suck. You want to see the hopeful hopeless candidates crash and burn during the first weeks of the show and that was “The Gong Show”. After that, the show becomes Star Search. The last 25% of the shows are about the handful of truly talented people that have survived “the gong” and are entertaining to watch. Put old Ed out there and there ya go. It’s Star Search.

Am I the only one bothered by this? About all this useless hype and news about “the Idol” irks me when the only real story is the fact that there’s no new programming out there, aside from HBO. If it wasn’t for HBO, I probably wouldn’t bother turning off the DVD player – anything good YES and the Cartoon Network show, TiVo picks up for me – because it’s getting sort of bleak out there.

Nevermind the fact that I’m sure that 25% of Americans either a) want Martin Sheen to run for President in 2004 or b) already think that Martin Sheen is the current President. What’s even more frightening is that if he ran, he would probably win because “he did such a good job on that Wing show.”