Totally off topic time… just how off topic? Well, I’m sitting in one of the local Starbucks again (third visit in 36 hours – a bit daft that) and I brought this trimester’s text book and I was just sitting down to work on my class plan (which I think needs much less work than I’ve planned on – a good thing) and it started raining. I know, what does that matter, right? Maybe it was the restless night of sleep following a bunch of good hours of laughing that did it… I doubt it’s the rain or the music I’m listening to… but I’ve recently realized that I’ve got a stone in my shoe… and it’s with the Church.

Whoa, religion? Ya, religion. I was born and raised Roman Catholic (RC, for short). I don’t go to mass often and I’m not all that up on my biblical reading… One would think that that makes me a “freelancing” member. I guess it does, but it depends on what ya mean by freelancing. The most amazing thing that I’ve ever seen, with regards to religion, is when someone tries to take it away from you or make you change yours – not by a missionary, but with your consent, for some reason. You never realize how deeply engrained certain things are in your own self until they are threatened in some way. Asking someone to turn their back on their religion, if they have ever had the slightest belief in it, is like asking someone to cut off their thumb. They simply can’t do it. So did someone try to get me to convert, or something? Where the hell is this thing coming from?

Well, I point to the RC itself, as the culprit. See, my “looking around” is mostly their fault. What the RC has seemed to have forgotten, if they ever knew it, is that religion is made of two parts: faith and secular. Faith is something that everyone has to find on their own; it’s something that can be inspired by the secular part but it’s something that’s part of one’s inner being. It has to come from within. The secular part is supposed to help foster and enrich that feeling. I think of it as an analogy of fire: the spark of faith comes from within you, but the kindling that keeps the faith going is the church. They are supposed to be there to help us, the faithful masses, in our quest for salvation. The RC has forgotten that – they’ve missed the point entirely.

It started in the Middle-ages, when the RC was mostly a government body. The Papal States (.va for you domain watchers) are still their own country, even if it’s surrounded by the city of Rome. When the population of Europe has little more than faith to believe in – when science was “magic” and evil – the RC ran the nations of central Europe as a government body. As old habits seem to die hard, this is a proof of that theory. Look at Cardinal O’Connor – for a good period of time I think he had more pull in NYC’s government policy, than Mayor Dinkins in the 90’s. Also, as with any modern organization, the RC needs money to survive and organize, etc. So there’s a tithe that is just as much in effect today as there was in the 1000’s. I understand all of this. I mean it’s actual history that’s been proven and simple logic at work there.

So what irked me recently? The pedophile things? That’s been an outrageous and vile thing – but sadly it’s also not exclusive to the church alone. There’s other well respected groups that have had the same problem – the problem is that there are sick and twisted people in ever profession; the RC just got the latest round of media attention. The RC’s “general” crime in that mess was that they tried to cover it up and have been for decades – they should not consider themselves above the law of their land. I don’t blame the RC for what individual priests (or nuns) do, any more than I can blame the President for what one Senator might do. I do blame them for the hush-hush crap that went on for years – that needs to be addressed and they need to be punished for it… and I’m convinced they will. Now did that shake my faith? Maybe my faith in the goodness of most humans, but not my faith in my religion. It shrunk my belief in the secular part of the church, though.

Let me address that – how can I not believe in my church yet believe in the religion? It’s rather easy when you get down to it. The faith of the church is what has been taught to me via dogma and stories and experiences. It’s what I hold for myself based, on the teachings of the faith. These teachings came from the church, I agree, but look at the church itself. It’s run by humans. It’s run by other people, same as you and me, that are just as prone to mistakes and other issues that make us the fallible humans we are. They have their rules, as defined by humans, that really have little to do with the faith. Where is it written that if you don’t give an envelop to the church every week, that you don’t believe in God? Or that if you don’t get to mass on all of the Holy Days of Obligation, that you are living a bad life? Those are human’s rules, defined by humans and made for humans, and have little to do with the faith

What’s actually irked me, as of late, is the unwillingness of the RC to change. Oh, I admire that an organization, such as theirs, has survived over 1900 years without, for the most part, massive and radical change… but it’s change that is now required. It’s not written anywhere that women cannot be priests; that’s an RC tradition and one that I don’t believe in. Why? Are not men and women both children of the same God? That’s easy enough to get over. Married priests? Where is it written that a man cannot have a family and still hold a position of faith? What does that say to the members of the church really? It just doesn’t seem right… the RC goes on and on about the sanctity of marriage, yet denies their own missionaries that right. Why? Does that mean that the priests and nuns of the RC are better than the general public? That marriage is good enough for the unlearned masses but their own people are above it? It’s implied there – it’s a patronizing attitude, really. Cross-religion marriages? They’re not quite dead set against that, but they frown on it. What the shit is that? Don’t they know how hard it is to find someone that you can love in the world, as it is, much less requiring them to be of the same religion? That’s one that has to go – the world is too diverse these days. The whole tradition started just so the church’s population wouldn’t decrease… by keeping this around, they’re driving people away. Giving money? They’ll be the first to tell you that you don’t “have” to give money… true story: I signed up for a local parish, after I moved… they took my information and greeted me with a box of envelops. Um, ok. They were even numbered for me, for my donations. Obviously I balked. Ask this church if I’m even listed on their registry? Membership is kept in numbers of dollars. That just enrages me. I understand that they need the cash to survive and that we, as Catholics, are expected to make sacrifices – this is why I still give up meat on Friday’s during Lent; it’s not required but it is a sacrifice of my own choosing. The fact is, with regards to donations, if they were properly fostering people’s faith, people would give on their own.

A couple of years ago, the Pope came out with a new addendum to the lists of “cardinal” sins… the really bad ones. He put Insider Trading on list. Insider Trading. Like that isn’t covered by do not steal, do not lie, do not cheat, and do not crash your nation’s economy? OK the last one is my own rule, but the rest are covered by the Commandments, the Beatitudes, and the other random biblical teachings. Why the special listing? Are we that ignorant as a group of believers? It takes a lot for me to feel “patronized”… some how the RC does it me at least a couple of times a year. They are still working under the presumption that their flock cannot think for themselves; that they are needed to hold our hands through our every day. They don’t realize that they’re supposed to be encouraging our faith, and not running our lives.

See the RC has a real challenge with someone like me. I’m a scientist. I pick apart facts and truths to prove points. It does not impact my faith at all – that’s what faith is: belief in something in the absence of facts. It does, however, allow me to pick apart the secular part of the church. And why shouldn’t I? Did they not have the earthshaking meeting of Vatican II? Did they not do away with older rites like Benediction and the “backwards” alter? Did they not switch the official language of masses from Latin to the native language of the hosting nation? I believe it was in 1967 – that one meeting (or conference, as it was) changed everything. They need another one. I mean as a secular body, they’re driving people away from the religion as well as the faith, and isn’t that what they’re there for? Helping to encourage faith?

Anyway, I’m usually the first person to say “if you don’t like the party, get the hell out”… there’s other religions to choose from – the whole of the Protestant Reformation in the 1500’s actually was caused by the RC’s inability and unwillingness to change… a number of the offshoots of the RC are the RC with a couple of changes… married priests and female priests… more about “good” faith rather than the fire and brimstone of years gone by. Relevant teachings and not out of date preachings. Active communities, not because they are required, but because people of strong and common faith realize that they have a lot in common and can bond together… the problem I always face is that I was raised RC. It’s engrained in me to the point of being unable to be removed or changed. It’s part of who I am, and as unhappy I am with my secular church, the faith remains the same…

So what’s a lapsed catholic to do? Me, I’m going to get another cup of coffee and play some GTA3… it’s too much to figure out while on vacation.